A journey of discovery.
In my small group it's been decided to start up a 'womens group' and a 'mens group' once a month, and in the womens one our focus is going to be a book, the first one being captivating.
I am two chapters into it and say to all the women reading this - go get this book!
Just by reading the first two chapters i can feel part of me almost awakening - as i see parts of me so deep and hidden that even i didn't realise/remember they were there come to the surface, i am feeling more complete and more happy with who i am. The cover reads 'unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul', and i think it is definately doing that.
Men, read it - Nath's already said that he'd like to, but i'm going to encourage him to until he does, because in reading it you can really understand what a woman is about.
I do have a warrior-like-ness inside of me. If someone comes up against or hurts those that i love, i feel myself rise up against it, and i love the idea of having an irreplacable role in the world i live in, and sharing that with those around me, especially the idea of being irreplacable to a man (namely Nathan). But i've always thought that these things were wrong, or selfish, so i've pushed them down. And just reading that they're ok and actually part of what my heart was created to have in it is so releasing!
'ezer kenegdo', is what God calls Eve after he's created her. And its meaning? Apparently its difficult to translate, but a good indication of its meaning is 'sustainer beside him'...the coolest bit of this is that the only other time this is used in the bible is when it's describing God's relationship with his people. Thats how important i am in this shared experience of life i have with Nathan. I've kind-of had the view that i'll fall into his shadows and support him where i can, but i'm created partly to be his sustainer, and i absolutely love the thought of that. Because i've already expressed that in our relationship, but have always worried that it wasn't right. I long to share life together as a great adventure. And this is what God feels for me - i think i get it now! At least, better than i did!
I also have always been embarressed by my desire to be romanced. To be wanted, pursued, desired, to be someones priority, to know and be shown that someone longs for me and wants to keep me, treasure me. But again, this book is telling me that's ok - my romantic side is something i find myself apologising for, trying to minimalise it, but it too, is part of what God put in my heart.
I am a relational being, very much so. I need relationships, and need contact with those i love, my relationships almost define who i am, if i've not spoken to Nathan or if i'm feeling annoyed at him, as with my close friends, then i can't go about my day feeling normal, that relationship has effected my day. I've always seen this as a weakness, but it's not - its a glory, 'a glory that reflects the heart of God', because God's exactly the same - He longs for relationship with us, with ME, and is gutted when he doesnt get it - how amazing is that?! GOD! He wants to romance me, and wants me to pursue him with all that i am, and to love him like i love no other. I've heard this so many times, but i understand now. It's clicked. And its amazing.
I remember many times playing dress-up with my friends, and i still love wearing skirts that twirl, i like wearing clothes that are flattering, i love getting to dress up to go to parties, because i want to be delighted in, and similarly to being romanced, it's something i've been really embarressed by. The idea of wanting to be beautiful to those around me has often felt wrong, self-centred, vein or materialistic.
But this feeling does go deeper inside of me - i want who i am as a person to be attractive, the word 'captivating' captures what i want to be exactly. And this is a part of me i've hidden. Very, very few people get to see me in my entirity. It's not a conscious decision, but something that just happens. A fear of someone not finding me captivating leaves me not being my true self, but through that i know that i've always longed for someone, anyone, and everyone, to see me, and to find the real me captivating.
'beauty is the essence of God', and so it makes perfect sense that i desire it. 'Nature is not primarly functional. It's primarily beautiful'. It is beauty that can speak 'all is well' into someones soul. It's inviting, comforting, inspiring, nourishing, transcendent...and is in me. It is a central part of who i am. I am all of these things, if i allow myself to be myself. And all these things are what God is. I long to bring this beauty to the world around me, for those around me to benefit from it, because of the relational part of me i guess. I have this beauty inside of me, and i want to unveil it in its entirity.
Stasi puts it perfectly when she says 'we desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.'
Something that really hit me in the second chapter is how it speaks of woman as being the 'crown of creation - the most inttriate, dazzling creature on earth'. I've always seen woman as a bit of an add on - to make man happy 'cause he was bored.
This is quite a personal blog isn't it?! I guess it would have to be, as it is revealing my heart. I am so excited about this book now! Hmm, well, hopefully i've not made you feel uncomfortable in reading it, and hopefully you've lasted until the end, but i really think what i learn from this book is going to really impact my life. Watch this space! :)
I am two chapters into it and say to all the women reading this - go get this book!
Just by reading the first two chapters i can feel part of me almost awakening - as i see parts of me so deep and hidden that even i didn't realise/remember they were there come to the surface, i am feeling more complete and more happy with who i am. The cover reads 'unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul', and i think it is definately doing that.
Men, read it - Nath's already said that he'd like to, but i'm going to encourage him to until he does, because in reading it you can really understand what a woman is about.
I do have a warrior-like-ness inside of me. If someone comes up against or hurts those that i love, i feel myself rise up against it, and i love the idea of having an irreplacable role in the world i live in, and sharing that with those around me, especially the idea of being irreplacable to a man (namely Nathan). But i've always thought that these things were wrong, or selfish, so i've pushed them down. And just reading that they're ok and actually part of what my heart was created to have in it is so releasing!
'ezer kenegdo', is what God calls Eve after he's created her. And its meaning? Apparently its difficult to translate, but a good indication of its meaning is 'sustainer beside him'...the coolest bit of this is that the only other time this is used in the bible is when it's describing God's relationship with his people. Thats how important i am in this shared experience of life i have with Nathan. I've kind-of had the view that i'll fall into his shadows and support him where i can, but i'm created partly to be his sustainer, and i absolutely love the thought of that. Because i've already expressed that in our relationship, but have always worried that it wasn't right. I long to share life together as a great adventure. And this is what God feels for me - i think i get it now! At least, better than i did!
I also have always been embarressed by my desire to be romanced. To be wanted, pursued, desired, to be someones priority, to know and be shown that someone longs for me and wants to keep me, treasure me. But again, this book is telling me that's ok - my romantic side is something i find myself apologising for, trying to minimalise it, but it too, is part of what God put in my heart.
I am a relational being, very much so. I need relationships, and need contact with those i love, my relationships almost define who i am, if i've not spoken to Nathan or if i'm feeling annoyed at him, as with my close friends, then i can't go about my day feeling normal, that relationship has effected my day. I've always seen this as a weakness, but it's not - its a glory, 'a glory that reflects the heart of God', because God's exactly the same - He longs for relationship with us, with ME, and is gutted when he doesnt get it - how amazing is that?! GOD! He wants to romance me, and wants me to pursue him with all that i am, and to love him like i love no other. I've heard this so many times, but i understand now. It's clicked. And its amazing.
I remember many times playing dress-up with my friends, and i still love wearing skirts that twirl, i like wearing clothes that are flattering, i love getting to dress up to go to parties, because i want to be delighted in, and similarly to being romanced, it's something i've been really embarressed by. The idea of wanting to be beautiful to those around me has often felt wrong, self-centred, vein or materialistic.
But this feeling does go deeper inside of me - i want who i am as a person to be attractive, the word 'captivating' captures what i want to be exactly. And this is a part of me i've hidden. Very, very few people get to see me in my entirity. It's not a conscious decision, but something that just happens. A fear of someone not finding me captivating leaves me not being my true self, but through that i know that i've always longed for someone, anyone, and everyone, to see me, and to find the real me captivating.
'beauty is the essence of God', and so it makes perfect sense that i desire it. 'Nature is not primarly functional. It's primarily beautiful'. It is beauty that can speak 'all is well' into someones soul. It's inviting, comforting, inspiring, nourishing, transcendent...and is in me. It is a central part of who i am. I am all of these things, if i allow myself to be myself. And all these things are what God is. I long to bring this beauty to the world around me, for those around me to benefit from it, because of the relational part of me i guess. I have this beauty inside of me, and i want to unveil it in its entirity.
Stasi puts it perfectly when she says 'we desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.'
Something that really hit me in the second chapter is how it speaks of woman as being the 'crown of creation - the most inttriate, dazzling creature on earth'. I've always seen woman as a bit of an add on - to make man happy 'cause he was bored.
This is quite a personal blog isn't it?! I guess it would have to be, as it is revealing my heart. I am so excited about this book now! Hmm, well, hopefully i've not made you feel uncomfortable in reading it, and hopefully you've lasted until the end, but i really think what i learn from this book is going to really impact my life. Watch this space! :)
posted by AmyK @ 1:11 PM
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